Trying to Love Someone Who Has Hurt you

What a horrible feeling it is

To love someone who’s already hurt you. To want to be with them so bad but you know what they’re capable of. The voice that lingers in your mind chanting “he’s cheating on you.”

“You’re not good enough for him”

“Just you isn’t enough”

You can’t take back what’s done. Some may say you can make it right but the damage is already done. You can’t drop a glass and put the pieces back together and make it still look pretty. There are cracks an missing pieces. The trust is broken and although I’m much bigger than this I don’t feel pretty enough or funny enough or intriguing enough to keep you around. I think one day you’re gonna get up and go with your friends and have forbidden fun with some girl who apparently doesn’t matter. Who doesn’t make you feel anything emotionally but is worth losing me over. She matters. They mattered every one of them when you laid with me after laying with them I can’t even put into words how angry and sad it makes me to type this out. No matter how much time has passed I just keep thinking; How could you do this to me?

*real friends kanye west

last night I fought some girl I use to be best friends with. She literally hates me so much it’s kinda lowkey sad cause we were soooo close it was so weird I never thought it would really come to that honestly. How did you get all that hate??

Just a reminder not everyone’s permanent some people go snake and you’ll lose all your friends after hs.

You’re just too good to be true,

Can’t take my eyes off of you.

You’d be like heaven to touch,

I wanna hold you so much.

At long last love has arrived,

And I thank god you’re alive.

You’re just to good to be true,

Can’t take my eyes off of you. 

-Lauryn Hill

 

Things that Remind me of you

Today I heard the song people are strange by the doors which brought me to a date of ours when you took me to the movies and it was free since you worked there. I remember all the the times I thought it was so cool you were into rap music and old rock music as well you were perfect to me. Perfect for me in my perfect world in my head. I remember the day you wore a Jimmie Hendricks shirt and I was wearing a Sublime shirt and we both were like “Omg cool shirt.” stupid little things. But that was 3 years ago. And over a year ago when I took you to see logic. You couldn’t keep your hands off me. I felt so special to you in those moments and didn’t want to leave the safety of your arms. That building held sweet memories with you. When you came into JC Penneys “Hey babe do you want something from starbucks?” It was those moments I held onto that made me think you were perfect. The “Welcome Home Beautiful” letter written in my room with sour patch kids when I finally came home from Florida. The times you’d take me and my friends out to parties to be around me. When everyone would tell me how much he talked about me and all this good shit. Maybe when you did love me.

Alamo City was where we saw logic and danced all night to Zomboy being ridiculous. When you begged me to come see you after the Earl concert. I loved that place until the night after Lil Debbie I found you were not who you said you were. Those messages broke my heart and tore me apart. And for silly reasons that location is a place I don’t wanna be anymore. I look around and see you.

All the times you took me to Cici’s pizza when I lived in SA. I thought you were a rider. You lived miles away and still loved me enough to come through. things were wonderful til I found me being away was an excuse for you to go out and find new girls to have sex with and all the thoughts of everything I know now are haunting me so when I take a bite of cici’s pizza I recall why I can’t stand that place.

Songs are ruined, locations are ruined, and food is ruined.

The only good thing that came from you is the child I will be giving birth to in September 2016.

And even then my sweet little baby boy Jayden will have your face I never will forget.

and I’ll still never get tired of seeing.